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The other day was the first time I visited a Dr. here in Tbilisi....I wanted some lab tests done because I think my thyroid meds need to be adjusted. Little did I know what was in store for me!
I entered the clinic, which was a beautiful center. I walked over to the reception counter and told one of the three women sitting behind the big desk I was here for my appointment. She did some fancy moves on her computer and took my ID. She told me to step to the woman to her left, so I slid my stuff down the counter and waited while this new receptionist wrote up a receipt for me. This new woman then told me to go to the woman at the far end of the counter to pay. I wanted so badly to comment on how they could streamline this process, but I didn't. Instead, I quietly paid my 50 Lari ($28) for my consultation.
This was the reception desk--you can see how silly I probably looked shuffling back and forth between these three women.
After about a five minute wait, the doctor (gyn.) came out to greet me. She took me to her office which has a desk and all of the accoutrements of an exam room.
When I scheduled my appointment, I asked for an English speaking doctor, so luckily her English was pretty good. She began by asking me about my history...all of the normal stuff-- age, how many pregnancies, etc... Then the conversation took an interesting turn. Here is how it went:
Dr.: What sexually transmitted diseases have you had (positive assumptions!)?
Me: None.
Dr: None? (please note the shocked tone) What about ____________ or ______________ (I had never even heard of these, so I can't even remember their names)
Me: I shake my head and say none (again).
Dr: Not even chlamydia?
Me: (now I am starting to doubt myself...can she see something I don't know about? Do I have some special mark just under my left eye that all Georgian doctors understand means your stricken with chlamydia?) I find myself stammering...um, no....nothing.....I think...I mean.....
Dr: Are you sure?
Me: Yes? I think I'm sure.
Dr: Wow.
Me: Wow?
Dr: Yes.
I feel a little off kilter by this conversation, but am ready to continue. All I want is lab work done, so I can tweak my medication if necessary. She then proceeds to tell me she needs to do an ultrasound of my vagina. I am here for my thyroid. How in the world will an ultrasound of my vagina give her the information we need? We go round and round...although she speaks English it is not the same as speaking to someone who is a native English speaker.
Finally, I agree to the examination. Sometimes it is just easier to get a pelvic exam than to continue a conversation. She tells me to get undressed. I ask to use the restroom before she begins. She looks at me and says, "Maybe you should come back tomorrow." I tell her I can go to the bathroom quickly and really it is in her best interest to allow me these few minutes. She shakes her head and our conversation continues:
Dr: Well, you should just come tomorrow and then we can do your blood work too. It is better to do it in the morning.
Me: So, I should be fasting?
Dr: Yes, I think that would be better. Do you have time tomorrow?
Me: (running through all that I would rather be doing tomorrow) sure, I can come tomorrow.
Dr: OK, how about 9 or 10?
Me: 9 would be great. I wake up around 6, so the earlier the better.
Dr: Or maybe 10?
Me: Oh, OK do you need me to come at 10?
Dr: Or you could come at 9.
Me: OK, I will come at 9.
Dr: OK, so you will come at 9 or 10 tomorrow.
Me: (in my head: AAAAHHHH!) Would you like me to come at 9 or 1o?
Dr: I think it doesn't matter- 9 or 10.
Me: Then I will come at 9.
The Dr. then walked me back to the reception desk and said, "So you will come at 9:30 tomorrow." I just nodded, completely dumbfounded, hoping that our interaction the next day would be less confusing. Then, instead of a standard handshake and goodbye, the Dr. nonchalantly said, "OK, I will see your vagina tomorrow." I am not sure what the appropriate response to that is--somehow "I will see your vagina tomorrow" just didn't feel right. I looked at her and then glanced at the 3 other people sitting within ear shot and nodded again.
6 comments:
Oh that is HILARIOUS! I can't wait to hear the Part II. I have to get to bed now but tomorrow I will email you a story that this reminds me of back from my Peace Corps days.
OH MY GOD! This had me laughing harder than the mental picture of you sprawled out across the escalator!
Let me know if she finds your thyroid up your vajayjay!
Michelle
OMG - I needed a good laugh!
I had to read this to Mike who was cracking up as well and then his response was, "She is going to go back? What is she smoking?"
Mike said he like to see your vagina when you return. Can you come at 9:15 or 9:45?
Michelle
And.......you can't keep the faithful readers waiting
Manny
Oh my gosh, Monica, that is hilarious. I laughed out loud. I had some pretty crazy experiences in China, but that one beats them all.
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